The Virtuous Cycle

I am going to tell you about one of the most powerful influences on human behavior. I call it the Virtuous Cycle of Goodness. You see this dressed up in all sorts of different terms. Basically, it’s the idea that when we receive something we feel obliged to respond in kind. People with the most successful and principled relationships are masters of the Virtuous Cycle.

Numerous studies in psychology, sociology, anthropology and neuroscience show that humans are in some way “wired” to respond to social acts in a way that is proportional and similar to the original act. It works for positive acts, (think of the Golden Rule, and Do unto others…), and negative acts, (think of An Eye For An Eye.) When the act is negative it often leads to the better-known Vicious Cycle. Once Vicious Cycles of behavior start they are hard to stop. Luckily, the same is true of a Virtuous Cycle.

New Agers refer to “Random Acts of Kindness”, “What Goes Around Comes Around”, “Pay It Forward” and similar. Sometimes they talk as if the universe acts in a mystical way to ensure we all get what we should, and one kind deed will be rewarded by another. In fact, there is nothing mystical about it. It’s biology and the social psychology of groups.

Let’s say you do somebody a favor. It can be something as small as getting a coke or a coffee for them when you get one for yourself. It can be something as meaningful as a thank you or congratulations card for a special occasion. Whatever it is, the person receiving it will feel something more than just gratitude or appreciation. Chances are they will feel a mild sense of obligation to do something positive and approximately equivalent for you.

If something that is done for you is appropriate and thoughtful three things usually follow. You will probably feel good about the giver; you will probably feel you should do something equivalent for them; and you will probably feel that you like them a little more than you did before. These three things are what set up the Virtuous Cycle. You will start to do little things for them, and over time, as they respond, you build a closer and more productive relationship with each other.

Anthropologists have observed this in groups throughout the animal world, including in monkey packs. That's why reciprocity and the Virtuous Cycle is sometimes identified as the power of “You Scratch My Back And I’ll Scratch Yours”…literally. Imagine the monkeys grooming each other and "scratching each others' backs". It's a very bonding experience, and it builds a cohesive group. When something is difficult for us to do we often find that it’s easier for someone else, and they are happy to do it for us in the reasonable expectation that when it’s their turn for help we’ll step up.

You see the Virtuous Cycle at work most in groups or organizations where the formal power structure is least obvious, or not yet sorted out. Collaborative, high performing teams use a lot of reciprocity. So do organizations with flat hierarchies, or groups who haven’t yet sorted out how people work best together.

The good thing about Virtuous Cycles is that they tend to grow, and spin off other Virtuous Cycles. People are highly influence by their social surroundings. Even if the acts of goodness aren’t directly benefiting them people will tend to model their behavior on what they see around them, and so another’s Virtuous Cycles of good behavior often prompt others to spontaneously begin their own.

Beginning Virtuous Cycles are a prime way of kick starting and maintaining productive relationships. Whenever I work with an executive or senior leadership team who want to extend their influence in a positive principled way, we work on setting up Virtuous Cycles of Good.