Better than "just touching base"

One of the first things I try to do with almost any client who wants to improve their business relationships is check up on how they check in. I often hear they try to keep in touch with their colleagues, clients, and prospects by regularly “touching base.”

There is a better way. When I worked on the other side of the desk the calls I received that were the most difficult were from consultants who were “just touching base”. It probably felt as uncomfortable for them as it did for me. People regularly tell me how unsuccessful this strategy is for them, and they wonder why they are not connecting with their colleagues or clients as often as they would like. One of the reasons that it rarely works is because it puts the onus on the person called to come up with a purpose for the call, instead of the caller having something specific and sincere to discuss. It can also come off as disrespectful, as if it’s OK to interrupt without a clear purpose. At its worst it can sound like a chore to be checked off before moving on.

The better way to connect with the other person is to make sure you show your empathy for them. As one of my colleagues used to say “nobody cares how much you know until they know how much you care.” Empathy is demonstrating an interest and understanding of someone else’s situation. It includes their emotional and physical feelings as well as what’s going on with them at the moment. Empathy is that sense of shared experience during which we bond with others. Humans are wired to respond positively to people who empathize.

To show empathy you have to start where the other person is, so never call to “just touch base”. Ask how the recent changes in their company are affecting them. Ask how they enjoyed the conference you both went to. Ask how the implementation program is going. Ask how their project is going. In fact, it’s hard to go wrong if you start with them and focus on how they are. And when they tell you how they are, demonstrate your interest and desire to understand. Maybe they will ask a question you can answer, or express a need you can fill, or offer you an opportunity to lend a hand. You will be surprised at the openings you uncover to do some good for both of you.

Practice makes perfect, and like most aspects of emotional intelligence, demonstrating empathy is highly learnable. It is important to be respectful of the time and privacy of other people, so be purposeful about how often you check in, and make sure to be specific and sincere. Empathy is probably the most important of all the social skills. I very rarely hear anyone complain of someone taking too much interest in their wellbeing.

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