Connections, Connections, Connections

During my recent hospitalization I made many connections with the nurses, technicians, physicians and support staff on my ward. Hospital rooms are a bit like Times Square or in my home town, Flinders Street Railway Station: many people constantly coming and going whose purpose and motivations you don't understand.

A concept I discuss with my students and clients is Peter Singer’s “circle of ethics”. Drawing on a long history Singer talks about how most of us start with a fairly narrow circle of care: the people whose interests we try to assist and whose positive outcomes we support. It begins with parents and family, extends to neighbors and play-mates at school, and over time comes to include “first a class, then a nation, then a coalition of nations, then all humanity.” As the circle of care expands, so too does the circle of influence. Once we begin to care about suffering in other countries, we start to find ways to positively influence overseas welfare. Our circle of care runs a little ahead of our circle of influence, and directs where we spend our time and emotional energy.

In the hospital I made a point of introducing myself to everyone who came into my room. When Genevieve was allowed to stay with me I introduced both of us, and I made a point of trying to remember everyone’s names so I could greet them again when they came back. This is just part of my nature, but I imagine it’s also something I have learned to do because I am positively rewarded for it. The staff made little allowances for us, and generally made our stay as pleasant as possible. We were pulled into their “circle of care” because we had created a personal connection with each other.

As an example, it seemed like every six hours or so someone would come to change my IV site, take a blood sample or do something else that involved tubes and poking me with sharp needles. One day, two gentlemen came in together and I went through the usual introductions: “Hello, I’m David, and this is my wife Genevieve.” Almost anyone will then tell you who they are by name, and these two introduced themselves and told me they were the new phlebotomist and his trainee. We made a little small talk, and I was interested to hear how the trainee's job was going because my Little Brother from the BigBrotherBigSister scheme has just started working as a trainee at the Red Cross.

So then the time came to stick me. “Ah,” I said. “And which of you will be drawing my blood today?”

Now you have to remember that my arms already have two IV lines in them, and they are blue and bruised all over from the many blood draws I already have. A trainee will be hard pressed to find a spare vein, and will find it even more difficult than usual to take the blood sample painlessly.

“Well…I guess I can do your draw today” said the trainer, and the trainee handed over his needles.

Connecting with people draws you into their circle of care, and if they have the ability to influence your well-being it makes people positively inclined to go out of their way for you. It’s why waiting staff introduce themselves to you at your table, and why it pays to get to know your auto mechanic. Done with sincerity and genuine care it expands the circle of people around you who will put out their hand to help you.