Competent, Reliable, OPEN and Principled

My speaking agent recently brought to me an opportunity to do a presentation for a well known manufacturer and installer of communications and IT solutions. It should have been a great chance to work with a leader in IT, and an industry I know and like from doing many other presentations and consulting projects. Unfortunately I had to tell her I wouldn’t work with this organization.

Some time ago I sat with the regional manager of the company to discuss a market research project he was starting up. He wanted to find out what his biggest clients were saying about his business, and he wanted to invite their local general managers in for a series of informal “focus groups”. I had been called in to discuss with him how to connect with the clients and get them engaged in the project.

Things were going well until we started to discuss the records we would keep. Our plan was to take notes, anonymize the feedback, and present it to the client in a grouped report with the major themes highlighted and recommendations for action. The client wanted the verbatim feedback. We pointed out that taping and transcribing would be time consuming, and besides, people often aren’t as candid when they know they are being recorded.

To our astonishment the regional manager said we didn’t have to tell them they were being recorded!

I think he had watched one too many episodes of “Law and Order” or something similar. He thought he could set up a room with a two-way mirror, watch and record the proceedings, and use the material as feedback for his staff…

I’ve written before on trust, and how important it is to maintaining any relationship. There are four key elements to trust. People who are trustworthy are:

• Capable: Can do what they say
• Reliable: Will do what they say
• Open: Will say what they do
• Principled: Will do what they should

When it comes to trust, like a crop, you reap what you sow.

Unfortunately, when it came to being trustworthy this regional manager badly failed the third criteria. He wasn’t open…he wouldn’t say what he was going to do. The most generous interpretation of what happens when people don’t say what they do is that they run the risk of being misunderstood, which doesn’t build trust. The least generous view of people who are closed, guarded or subtly misleading is that they won’t say what they do because you wouldn’t approve. Certainly there are times when we are less than open because we are preserving a confidentiality, or being sensitive to over communicating what others are not interested in. Generally though, it’s better to err on the side of being overly open rather than overly closed.

In this case I wouldn’t be a part of what I considered to be lying to those clients who came in to participate in the focus group. Sure, if we were being technical we could have set things up so that the clients would never know they were being recorded, and provided we never promised we weren’t going to record them…nevertheless, this sort of thing leaves a very bad impression with me. People should say what they do.

In my ethics classes with graduate students I often express this a different way: What would you be proud to see widely reported in the papers or on the internet? What would you be ashamed to see reported? I don’t think the regional manager would be proud to see his actions widely reported. I don’t think it would build a sense of community with his customers.

Life is too short to spend with people you’re not proud to spend time with. I’m glad I’m not pursuing this particular speaking opportunity.

Birthday thoughts

Today is my birthday, hence the somewhat goofy photo, thanks to a favorite cousin who has had this picture of me from when I was four. Cheerful looking little soul aren’t I! Being my birthday it got me thinking about what I’m grateful for, and one of my favorite topics: character.

Whether in work, our families or our communities, we're all leaders. At various times we help others get things done, just as they help us get things done. Leaders have to master three key principles: they have to have the right task focus, the right people focus, and the right character focus.

There are lots of leadership theories about how to have the right task focus and people focus, but relatively little about the right character focus. I often say that champion leaders realize that good leadership is not about task focus or people focus, it’s about being both task focused and people focused, and having the character to do both with integrity.

Recently psychologist Martin Seligman and his associates have put a lot of effort into identifying character strengths. Seligman is one of my favorite psychologists, and I often use his work on optimism and attitude with my clients. His latest research shows that we each have personal strengths that can be classified into six groups of “virtues”. It’s these virtues and personality strengths that enable us to get things done with integrity.

One of Seligman’s groups of virtues is Transcendence, which includes Gratitude, Optimism and Future-Mindedness. On my birthday I’m taking a little time out to feel thankful for all the people past and present who have helped that little boy become the man I am today, and a little time to think positively about what the next forty-five years might hold.

The Virtuous Cycle

I am going to tell you about one of the most powerful influences on human behavior. I call it the Virtuous Cycle of Goodness. You see this dressed up in all sorts of different terms. Basically, it’s the idea that when we receive something we feel obliged to respond in kind. People with the most successful and principled relationships are masters of the Virtuous Cycle.

Numerous studies in psychology, sociology, anthropology and neuroscience show that humans are in some way “wired” to respond to social acts in a way that is proportional and similar to the original act. It works for positive acts, (think of the Golden Rule, and Do unto others…), and negative acts, (think of An Eye For An Eye.) When the act is negative it often leads to the better-known Vicious Cycle. Once Vicious Cycles of behavior start they are hard to stop. Luckily, the same is true of a Virtuous Cycle.

New Agers refer to “Random Acts of Kindness”, “What Goes Around Comes Around”, “Pay It Forward” and similar. Sometimes they talk as if the universe acts in a mystical way to ensure we all get what we should, and one kind deed will be rewarded by another. In fact, there is nothing mystical about it. It’s biology and the social psychology of groups.

Let’s say you do somebody a favor. It can be something as small as getting a coke or a coffee for them when you get one for yourself. It can be something as meaningful as a thank you or congratulations card for a special occasion. Whatever it is, the person receiving it will feel something more than just gratitude or appreciation. Chances are they will feel a mild sense of obligation to do something positive and approximately equivalent for you.

If something that is done for you is appropriate and thoughtful three things usually follow. You will probably feel good about the giver; you will probably feel you should do something equivalent for them; and you will probably feel that you like them a little more than you did before. These three things are what set up the Virtuous Cycle. You will start to do little things for them, and over time, as they respond, you build a closer and more productive relationship with each other.

Anthropologists have observed this in groups throughout the animal world, including in monkey packs. That's why reciprocity and the Virtuous Cycle is sometimes identified as the power of “You Scratch My Back And I’ll Scratch Yours”…literally. Imagine the monkeys grooming each other and "scratching each others' backs". It's a very bonding experience, and it builds a cohesive group. When something is difficult for us to do we often find that it’s easier for someone else, and they are happy to do it for us in the reasonable expectation that when it’s their turn for help we’ll step up.

You see the Virtuous Cycle at work most in groups or organizations where the formal power structure is least obvious, or not yet sorted out. Collaborative, high performing teams use a lot of reciprocity. So do organizations with flat hierarchies, or groups who haven’t yet sorted out how people work best together.

The good thing about Virtuous Cycles is that they tend to grow, and spin off other Virtuous Cycles. People are highly influence by their social surroundings. Even if the acts of goodness aren’t directly benefiting them people will tend to model their behavior on what they see around them, and so another’s Virtuous Cycles of good behavior often prompt others to spontaneously begin their own.

Beginning Virtuous Cycles are a prime way of kick starting and maintaining productive relationships. Whenever I work with an executive or senior leadership team who want to extend their influence in a positive principled way, we work on setting up Virtuous Cycles of Good.